Untouchable
by brightspark
Summary: SeiferxSquall. Squall feels that he is distant, closed off, untouchable. This fic explores his growing relationships with Seifer, his father and his friends. Complete.
1. Rival

This is the first chapter of a fic that will hopefully be longer than my usual. I'm trying to focus on Squall and his developing relationships between his father, his friends, and yes, Seifer. Of course, being me, I've made this fic yaoi. Seifer/Squall, in fact. So please don't flame me for that choice. This is in Squall POV, to make it easy for me to get into Squall's head.

I hope you enjoy it, anyway!

* * *

"Why don't you let anyone touch you, Squally-boy?" 

It was a standard remark from him, but enough to make me pause for thought. Figuratively speaking, of course, one doesn't pause in the middle of a duel. I lifted Lionheart, blocking one of his strikes, aiming a slash at his head.

"I just don't want to be touched." It's not that simple, but Seifer probably wouldn't understand if I tried babbling out all my little reasons. One, I don't like most people touching me – it leaves me vulnerable. Two, if I let someone touch me the chances are that I'm close to them, and in my life, closeness isn't possible. A SeeD could die any day, and so I guess I'm protecting anyone I might care about as well as myself. Three, I guess… I'm saving myself.

No, I'm not like Rinoa; I'm not waiting for some perfect fantasy knight to come along or whatever. I'm simply… waiting. For the right circumstances to come about.

Truthfully, if I were to let anyone touch me, it would be Seifer. He's someone I could care about, even love. He's been around since the first memories I have and I know that he's genuine. He doesn't hide anything, and that's a bonus.

I don't like people hiding things from me, either. If I let someone close to me, I'll not hide anything from them. And perhaps that's another reason for being untouchable – so I don't have to share my little secrets.

Not that any of this is at all important, or any of Seifer's business.

"That simple, huh?" He smirks, his ever-irritating smirk. "Too bad."

Too bad? What's that supposed to mean?

I don't say it out loud, falling further into the swing and clash of metal and metal. Duelling, like this, I've missed. I'm glad Seifer has come back to Garden, if only because of this.

But I'm not paying enough attention. He reaches out and grabs my arm, spinning Lionheart from my grasp with an easy strike. He frowns at me, his scar crinkling.

"You aren't fighting to your full capability, are you?"

Of course not. I snort at him and he rolls his eyes. "I don't mean just because I disarmed you. Something is blocking you – what are you thinking about?"

I just stare at him, puzzled.

"Of course," he snorts, "it figures that you wouldn't tell me. But something is wrong, isn't it?"

"No." My voice is firm, but damn him, he knows me too well.

"You got a call from your father today, didn't you?"

Damn him.

"Yeah."

"What did he say?"

"How do you know he did?"

"Damn, Squall, the whole Garden can tell when your father has called, you have such a scowl on your face. Now tell me, what did he say? Is it something he deserves beheading for, or is it just you being a typical drama queen?" Seifer crosses his arms, thankfully removing the hand from my arm, and stares at me.

"He wants too much from me."

It irks me, normally I can keep my mouth firmly closed, but whenever Seifer starts asking what's wrong, I can't hold back anything. He knows me too well.

"Shit, that's what all parents are like." Seifer gives me a considering look, his eyes sweeping up and down, making me feel almost… naked. "But I get it; he wants you to open up and tell him everything, right?"

"Yeah."

It's not surprising how he can read me, how he can tell what's bothering me in an instant. No matter what other people think, we've never been just rivals. We've never been friends, but there have been times when we leaned on each other, talked to each other just a little. Garden has been a trap for both of us; constricting his dreams and crowding me.

And yeah, I'd say he's a friend now.

He's been back at Garden about six months. I argued with Cid about it, I didn't think Seifer should come back to Garden – too many things here to make him feel bitter. But in the end, my say counted for nothing, and Seifer was reinstated at Garden. Two months later, he was a SeeD. No wasting of time, now. And he's been back as my serious sparring partner for about three months, since our paths crossed in the training centre.

I'm glad he's here, but I wish he would back off.

"Why won't you?" He asks, tilting his head to the side and giving me a piercing look.

"He won't understand."

"He was a soldier too."

"That's not why."

"Then why?"

"I don't want to." Because sharing makes me open, open like I am right at this moment. Because sharing like I am now makes me feel like I want to be close to people. Because right at this moment, there's a desire in me to kiss this man, to let him touch me.

And that's not how my life is made.

"Maybe it's time you changed that," he suggests, his green eyes still fixed on me, persistent as ever. "He's your father; you have more than anyone else from the Orphanage has. Maybe you owe it to us to take that opportunity."

"Why should I do that?" My brows draw together. He always confuses me this way, why does he do this?

He shrugs. "I don't know. I guess I'm jealous of you, knowing where you come from and all, and you just won't take that and be grateful for it."

"I am grateful for it."

"Then show it. That man is your father, he wants to know you. You owe it to him to let him get to know you, and you owe it to us to take the chance you've been given."

"Shut up." I bend and pick up Lionheart, and he smirks.

"Done talking, then?"

"Done with you." I turned and left him standing there in the training centre. That would have made him mad, back before all the shit with the sorceress. But I get the feeling that he understands now and he won't condemn me for it.

Maybe he's right. Maybe I should take this chance. The others won't have this chance, so maybe… maybe in a way it's my duty, to see what it's like. It all makes some obscure kind of sense.

Damn that man.

Damn him for being right, and damn him for making me want him.


	2. Father

Yeah, this is looking like one of those fics that I can update pretty regularly. My Squall is being terribly awkward with me, but that's fine, it gives me more to write about! Hope you enjoy. :)

Mm, and if anyone likes this and wants to keep an eye out for another multi part FF8 fic from me, during April I've taken up a word challenge; 1k a day during the month. Since I'm busy editing my novel, I wanted to do something that was challenging and long, but not a new novel or novella. So, a long FF8 fic is in the works. When I think of a plot...

* * *

"Why did you decide to do this, Squall?" Laguna – my _father_, God help me – gave me a piercing look. Not as stupid as he seems, maybe, to know that there's a reason behind this.

"Seifer."

"…That's not very informative, Squall," he chides me gently. "The ex-sorceress's knight, you mean?"

"That's Seifer, yes." I don't know why I did this, I really don't. I'll keep it in mind to thrash Seifer properly next time we duel. 'Owing it to them' to do this, indeed. If Seifer had a father like Laguna, I bet he'd be running as fast as he could in the opposite direction.

At least Laguna's state of health bodes well for me in the future. He doesn't look so much older than me, and he's not grey haired or bald or fat. So, if I ever live to be his age, at least I'll look good doing it.

"I didn't think you were friends with Seifer."

"I'm not."

"Oh? But his opinion obviously counts for something with you," he says, carefully, trying to catch a look into my eyes. Sorry, Laguna, it doesn't work that way. My eyes won't tell you anything the rest of my body doesn't. The only way you'll know what I'm really thinking is if I tell you, and I'm not ready to share _that_ with anyone, not even my own flesh and blood. I'm much more inclined to share with Quistis, or Seifer, even Rinoa… someone who knows when to back off with me now.

"I grew up with him, you know. In the Orphanage."

"Oh. Right." Is it just me hoping, or does he look a little sorry for that? Whatever, I don't care – he wasn't my father then and no matter what Seifer thinks, he won't be, can't be, now.

There's a long moment of silence, him picking at his food, me long finished. He takes too long over things like this, and the silence stretches out like an uncomfortable barrier between us, strengthening with every moment.

"I didn't want to forget about you completely, you know," Laguna says suddenly. "I did… give a shit what happened to you. But I didn't want to… you know, jump in, you seemed to be doing fine for yourself and - "

"You got in contact with me when I became a hero. Isn't that a little shallow?"

He stares at me, mouth open, then closes it and looks down at the tabletop, dropping his fork and taking a deep breath, and then another. It looks like he's trying to work up the courage to face my accusation. I don't know why I even said it, I don't care, really don't.

Damn Seifer. For making me feel like I should do this.

"I didn't want… I didn't even think… I didn't know you would think that," he says, almost painfully, "I just wanted… to know you. For you to know me, to know that you did have someone, somewhere, I…"

"I see," I try to spare him babbling any more, heaven knows it annoys me and surely he can't enjoy running his mouth like that.

"I'm sorry," he says, looking up, his eyes totally honest. For a moment, I wonder if I would have been more like him if I had been brought up in a normal family, if I hadn't gone to Garden, if I'd never met Seifer… no, where did that thought come from? I'm _happy_ this way, I enjoy my work, like the way I am. I don't _want_ to be anything like this man, this… my father.

I let the silence hang on those two words, unable to think of some reply, and he sighs, his breath hitching. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was going to cry, but surely he wouldn't do that.

"I… So, this Seifer. How did he persuade you to come and talk to me?"

I shrug, toying with my fork, not meeting Laguna's eyes. For all his blundering, he's too observant. I wouldn't put it past him to realise how much I care… how much I want Seifer.

"He knows me too well."

"I didn't think anyone knew _you_," he says, an eyebrow raised.

"Not many people do."

"He's privileged?"

"He's been fighting me for years," I remind him. Damn, if people think I'm awkward and closed off now, what did they think of me back before the sorceress and being Commander and everything that came with it? Compared to then, I'm an open book now.

"I don't understand."

"Me neither," I admit, and he gives me a piercing look. I look away quickly. Damn Seifer. I could almost hate him sometimes, but that wouldn't seem right. Never have hated Seifer, probably never could. He's just… _there_, always a part of my life, always pushing and nudging at me, trying to get _something _from me. He usually gets what he wants, too.

"He's your friend?" he tries.

I nod. There's no other word for what he means to me, no other way to explain why he has such an affect on me. Well, there is, but that isn't a word that I'd ever use to describe what we have. It's purely one sided, I'm sure, and it's not even real. It's just a word someone might use if they didn't know any better. A word that he'd never use, and a word I refuse to use.

"I'm glad he convinced you to see what having a father was like," he says, smiling slightly at me, as enthusiastic about this as about anything else. "I wish I had been around to see you as a kid."

No, you don't.

"So, have any love in your life at the moment?" his eyes twinkle at me, and I think he even winked. What a foolish, bumbling _idiot_. And yet I can't help liking him, or at least respecting him a little.

"No."

The day goes on like that, him asking questions, me answering them, but I'm not opening myself up to him. Not yet, anyway. It's taken me my whole life to open up even as much as I have just to one person – Seifer – and that's on a purely superficial level. He can get me to talk and share what's on my mind, but if I have a secret, I wouldn't tell him or anyone else.

It's a relief to be back in Garden, more specifically, in the training centre. I hated some of today; claustrophobic and unfamiliar, and while I suppose I enjoyed some of it, I've got some frustrations to kill.

He's there, of course he's there. Where else would he be? He's always in the right place at the wrong time. It'd be better if he were here in an hours time, and then maybe I could fight him, warmed up from grats and ready for a bigger challenge. But no, he's here now, and he doesn't want to fight, he'll want me to talk, and of course, I will.

"Enjoy it, Squally?"

"Not really." Lionheart in hand, I pass him, heading further into the training centre. Of course, he won't just leave it at that, but I might as well put up a token resistance.

"Didn't think you would. Did he?" _He_? Seifer is asking whether _Laguna_ enjoyed it?

It takes a moment of thought, that, another mental pause. I really should kill Seifer for knowing me too well; this is positively disconcerting.

"I think he did," I admit.

"That's good."

"Why?"

He shrugs, "It means someone got something out of it, at least. I figured you wouldn't, but this guy seems genuine in wanting to be there for you."

Whatever.

"Yeah, I know, 'whatever', right?" he says, smirking, knowing he can read me perfectly. I just shrug, turning my back on him, but this time he doesn't let me walk away, grabbing my shoulder and turning me back to face him. "I'm serious about it, you know. I really think you should take this chance you've been given."

"So you've said," I pull away, uneasy at his touch and his sincerity.

"Squall…" There's softness in his eyes and his voice that I don't trust. I want to open my mouth, make him shut up, but of course, he's Seifer Almasy.

He won't shut up.

"Squall," he takes a deep breath, "I care about this more than I'm willing to let on. I wish I had a father. I don't… I wouldn't like to see you throw this away just 'cause you think you're better off alone."

This is dangerous, this is open.

"I know, I know, time for you to run again, huh, Squally-boy?" he smirks at me, safer ground now. "When you decide to stop running, there are some people around who'd be interested in getting to know you, that's all."

And this time he's the one to walk off.

What the hell did all _that_ mean?

Damn that man. Just, damn him. For all of this.


	3. Group

Thank you for the reviews! I had trouble writing this chapter, so if it feels a bit strained well... that's my fault for trying to force it out. Still, I think I made it work... enjoy:)

* * *

"Good morning!" Selphie is chirpy as always; it's something I'm grateful for this morning. At least she's being _normal_, and not… weird, not like Seifer is being. He never used to care so much about my personal life and I'd never have expected him to give a damn whether I have a father or not.

"Morning, Selphie," It's become habit now to say it back, to be polite.

I'm turning into some kind of civilised creature.

"Sit with us?" Quistis asks, leaning back to look up at me. She looks happy; healthier than she used to as an instructor, too. Being assistant head mistress of Garden suits her – I'm just glad that it isn't me roped into the position of assistant. I'll stick with the Commander title if I must have any at all, thanks very much.

"Alright," I say it almost before thinking, but it doesn't matter. Sitting alone, I'm a target for some random admirers to join me. I might as well share a table with the people I might call friends.

"How did it go with Laguna yesterday?" Quistis asks, after flicking her eyes over my face for a few minutes. No, Quistis, nothing has changed; no new scar and I don't show emotion in my eyes.

It's nice to be cared about, but not nice to be scrutinised this way. I shrug, "It went okay."

"As expected, then!" Selphie smiles, inclining her head.

"I suppose."

"I think it's lovely that he cares about you, Squall," Quistis says, her eyes piercing me again. One day, she will catch sight of emotion from me – from pure persistence. "God knows, of all of us, you deserve it most."

"I don't deserve anything better than you." The words are out of my mouth before I think about it; proof that I care. Damn it. But, I only spoke the truth – they deserve to have parents and a past and something more than memories of an Orphanage with one overworked Matron. Much as Matron loved us, she couldn't be Mother to us all.

Quistis looks at me, considering, then nods. "I suppose not; we've all been through the same."

I nod to that. I don't want anyone to think I'm better than them – I'm not. There's nothing that could ever make me better than anyone else, unless you're talking about fighting. That's the closest I have to a skill; the only way I could possibly be of value for. With Seifer, there's the power to command; for Quistis, it's her administrative capability, almost like magic to me, I could never do paperwork the way she does; for Selphie, it's the power she has to make anyone smile, even me. And so on.

They're all worth as much or more than me.

"Hey, what's up, baby?"

Zell has arrived. God help me. Selphie, fine, Zell, fine, but not both together. He grins at Selphie, hopping over the table to sandwich himself between her and Quistis. "Mornin' Squall!"

"Good morning, Zell." Dry and emotionless. I take back what I thought – I'm as bad now as I used to be, but I speak more now.

"I guess I'll join the party too," Irvine's voice is as dry as mine, but warm with comradeship. He sits down, winking at Zell just to aggravate the blond.

I could almost be comfortable, in this company. I know them; I've travelled with them, fought alongside of them. Grew up with them. I could almost open up to them; almost give them something of myself.

If I ever decided to open up, it'd be to one of them, or Seifer. They're people I trust with my life, so maybe I could go so far as to trust them with my secrets, someday.

"How're you?" Zell asks me, with an air of 'I'm repeating myself here', and I look up, aware that lost in my own thoughts, I missed some other chatter.

I shrug to answer him, and he rolls his eyes. "Fine, then, don't talk to us."

"Have I ever talked to you before?" It's the closest I'll ever come to a joke, that kind of deadpan toned question that mocks his statement.

"True, true," he says, waving a hand at me and making a face. "Still, I wish you'd try."

Don't push me, Zell.

Surprisingly, Selphie vocalises my thought. "Don't say that, Zell, he'll talk to us if he wants to." She meets my eyes, and smiles, an honest, caring smile.

Sometimes, she almost makes me wish I would open up. But no, it's better to be safe, and the only way I can be safe is to be closed up, distant, untouchable.

"Thanks, Selphie. For understanding that," and my voice is loud in their sudden silence. I squirm uncomfortably. I hate it when that happens; when I say something unexpected and they still everything just to stare at me.

Quistis looks at me for a moment, but thankfully, she doesn't say a word more about it. I stare down at the table for a long moment, and then Selphie, ever my saviour, speaks up, standing and waving. "Seifer! Come on over here!"

Although, I do wish she wasn't asking _him_ over here. Him confusing me more than ever is the last thing I need. Mind you, in front of them, he probably won't say anything. If he even does come over…

No, it was too much to hope for that he wouldn't. He's not as arrogant as he used to be – isn't someone unto himself and his posse only. He'll sit with other people. That's a bad thing today – for me, anyway.

"Hey, small stuff," he says, referring to Selphie and Zell. "Good morning, Quistis," he says with somewhat more respect. And then… "And you, Ice Princess."

At least this is familiar ground.

"Good morning, Seifer." I do nothing to deny what he says – I might as well be ice.

"Having a good day, Princess?" he asks, leaning back and smirking. And like the others, trying to get a glance into my eyes.

Not you too, Seifer. You know better, surely.

I stare back, hoping to make him uncomfortable, but he only laughs. "Like that, huh?"

Quistis raises an eyebrow, sipping her coffee delicately. "What about you, Seifer? How are you?"

"Fine," he says, nonchalant, shrugging. "Had bad dreams of course, but no big."

How can he talk so openly? How can he _be_ so open?

"Well, not bad," he says, and his eyes are on mine again, "but they don't make me feel good about myself."

Selphie tilts her head, gives him her best considering look. "Why?"

"That'd be telling," and there's that old smirk I know so well; much better. This is comfortable again. I feel safe like this – untouchable because they surround me, familiar and known. And untouchable because not even they know me. Double protections against the world, as it were.

"So, Squally-boy, what do you dream about?"

I groan inwardly. I think I've said this before. Damn him. Bringing the focus onto me again, and expecting me to answer.

Not in front of these… people. My friends. Sorry Seifer. You can have some of me, but not that much.

I don't even say goodbye as I leave the table.


	4. Interlude

Writing this chapter, I finally "got" where this story is going, or so I hope. This chapter is short, because it's really a kind of linking piece between the first three chapters and the last three.

I'm hoping to finish this fic in three more days. We'll see.

Thanks, as always, to reviewers. It's always a bonus to hear that people enjoyed my story, even if the majority of people don't leave reviews.

* * *

I hate dreaming. It's like my dreams are trying to tell me things I really don't want to know. Or think about, anyway. Tonight I dreamed of _him_. That's why I'm here, in the training centre. Hoping to get some training in without his presence doing anything more to me.

But there's something in the mindlessness of fighting here that just makes me think more. Step, slash, step back, slash, and move on. Step, slash, step back, slash, and move on. There's too much of a rhythm to it, a rhythm I fall into too easily after years of fighting here. And I used to come here to fight, and think, so it's no surprise that when I come here to fight, but not to think, it doesn't help.

And it has me thinking what Seifer means to me. What we are to each other. I've always known we aren't _just_ rivals, and I've always known we're not quite _friends_ either – it's more complicated than that.

Step, slash, step back, strike. Move on.

I've always thought about how he affects me. How he pushes me on to do things. To become as good as I have with a gunblade. To master two-handed gunblade wielding to rival his one-handed, because he said I'd never be good enough two-handed. Well, those weren't the words he used – but the general idea was there.

And now he's pushing me to take this… chance I have, this chance to know the man who… my father. Why? Obviously, this time, there's a purpose – he's not just tormenting me.

Does he want me to open up as much as everyone else does?

Step, slash, slash, step, slash, defend, slash, strike, pause.

My rhythm broken, I step back, putting Lionheart away and going to sit down. Obviously I can't do anything right until I've thought this over. But why do I even _need_ to think it over?

I've come to the conclusion previously that I do care about Seifer, and that very deeply, and not just as a friend or a fellow student or even someone I grew up alongside. But I've never been able to answer my question: why? Why not as a friend? Why not as a perfect rival? Why as this type of confusing… wanting?

I want to open up to him. I think I always have, but as much as I've wanted to, I've known I can't. He's not my friend, he's my rival, and he _can't_ know such things about me.

But… maybe he's not just my rival now. I've been refusing to admit that he's changed but he has, obviously he has, or he wouldn't care so much about me and my father and what happens between us.

Maybe… I could open up to him, just a little, and see how –

No. That's dangerous. I know I shouldn't. Things are fine as they are. Perfect, even. I'm cold, I'm ice, and that way, no one can hurt me. _He_ can't hurt me.

There's a treacherous thought that maybe, maybe he can hurt me. It hurt when I struck him, my blade forming that track through his face, marring him forever. It hurt because I didn't want to hurt him. And it hurt to fight him, face him, see him trapped within his own mind, doing what the sorceress wanted. It hurt to see him bend to her, when he had never bent to anyone before.

It hurt to watch him a slave, knowing that he has always been his own man; knowing that his freedom was all a part of his pride and arrogance.

I don't need to open up to him to care for him; to be vulnerable to what happens to him. He's already in my heart, but I need to open up so he knows it.

No, where did that thought come from?

I need to go and sleep. No doubt lack of sleep is stopping me thinking properly. And maybe now I've trained a little, I won't dream any more.


	5. Lover

Here we go, chapter five, complete with sappy get together! Yeah, I'm a sap, and this fic is an angst-free zone.

Two more chapters to come! Maybe an epilogue, too, depending on whether I feel the story has any more material for one.

Anywho, enjoy:)

* * *

I should have anticipated that today, when I'm tired and irritable, he'd decide to start bothering me again. After my dreams and thoughts of last night, of course he'd be hanging around, knowing instinctively just the right times to bug me in his inimitable way until I give in to whatever he wants from me. I just wish I knew what that was.

"Yo, Squally-boy," he says, cocky as ever, leaning against the wall. "What's up with you today? You've got a face on you like someone just stole your favourite teddy."

I ignore him, or pretend to, going past him into my office. Why is he out there anyway? He follows me inside, obviously intent on talking to me, and hell bent on breaking some rules as he does so. He has no respect at all for my privacy, and damn him, I don't mind it too much. Maybe I'm used to it. Hell, maybe I've even got to like it – I'm certainly masochistic enough.

He snorts softly. "Talking with the voices in your head, Leonhart?"

What? I look up, questioning, to find him too close to me. I step back quickly, shooting him a quick glare, as if it would change anything. "What are you here for, Seifer?"

"I wanted to play with my favourite Ice Princess, of course," and there's that over confident smirk that I've long grown to expect. I roll my eyes at him, trying to avoid a confrontation or more of the kinds of 'conversation' I always end up having with him. For once, I'm going to try and keep my thoughts to myself.

There's a long moment of silence that drags on and on. I don't look at him, but I know he's still there, his presence too… _solid_ not to feel. It's as if his heat creeps through the room, warming it… I can just tell he's still standing there, in his usual cocky position.

Damn him. Why does he always throw me into confusion? He stands there and I want to turn, acknowledge him, and give him whatever he wants. Go away, Seifer.

"You really are ice," he says suddenly.

Of course, that has the effect he wants – I turn to look at him, eyebrow raised. Shit, why can't I control this? I don't _want _to know why he thinks I really am ice, or whatever.

He tells me anyway, of course. "You're so fucking frigid." He walks closer to me, and I daren't step back, that would be admitting that he makes me feel vulnerable. He puts a hand on my arm, smirking at me. "I bet you never did anything with Rinoa, did you?"

Before I even think about it, the words leave my mouth. "Never."

He smirks at me more, and inwardly, I curse myself. Damn him, damn me, damn whatever draws me to him and makes me answer. I can see from his smirk that he doesn't really care.

"Not even a kiss? Surely she couldn't keep her hands off you…"

I glare at him, brushing the hand off my arm easily. There are better things for me to be doing, but he has me cornered. "She wanted to, I didn't. Leave now, Seifer."

"Didn't your mommy ever teach you manners?" he asks, smirking some more. And then he softens, apologetic. "I'm sorry, I know Edea raised us well, I'm just… well, you know me, speak before I think."

He's apologetic? I don't understand this man, and I don't think I want to. He confuses me so much, standing there, close to me. His body solid and real and warm; I really can feel his body heat seeping through the space between us. He's standing too close; arrogance and confidence and pure Seifer. Of course this doesn't bother him.

I ignore him.

He snorts again, contemptuous as well as arrogant. "I bet you've never been kissed at all, have you, Princess?"

"No," I say, again without thinking. Now all I want to do is curse, curse at him, at me, at my mouth for opening without my permission. He steps forward, closer to me again, and I step back, my back against my filing cabinet. "Seifer, you should leave now."

He looks down at me, knowing amusement in his eyes. "Why should I? I don't want to."

"Why don't you want to?"

The words are out there, between us, but all of a sudden, I'm not sure I want to know the answer. But he hums softly, smirking still, and answers me.

"Because something as pretty as you should at least have been _kissed_ by now."

Before I can even think about the implications of that statement, his lips are on mine. He leans down a little, putting one hand on my shoulder to hold me still. And damn me, I can't think of anything to do but respond. I want this.

Well, one part of me wants this. The rest of me, the part that hates vulnerability and will never open up – the sensible part - is what makes me draw back, push at him to make him leave me alone. "What the hell?"

"_Squall_," he says softly, almost pleadingly, "I'm tired of teasing you, it's like I said, when you want to stop running, there are some people around who'd be interested in getting to know you I meant _me_, Squall, I want to know you, I…" He trails off, looking into my eyes as if he can find something there, and apparently, he does, because he bends down again, resting his forehead against mine.

Why is he saying this now? What makes him want to… admit this now? I close my eyes, confused, just trying to sort something out, but then his voice interrupts me again.

"You kissed me back, so… You're confused, right? Don't talk to the voices in your head, Squall." Not Squally-boy, Ice Princess or Leonhart, but my name. I open my eyes and he takes my chin in his hand, tipping my head up. "Talk to me."

And damn him, as always, I can't help responding. "What do you want from me?"

"Just you."

"Me?" He's so confusing, as always.

"Yes, you. I want… Oh, fuck it to hell." He straightens, pushing me back a little so I can see his face clearly. "I love you, Squall."

_What_?

I don't realise I've said it out loud until he smirks slightly, repeating it clearly, as if I'm deaf or stupid. "I love you, Squall."

His mouth is on mine again, and now I can't do anything to protest, kissing him back, confused, but willing to go with it. I've always thought I could open up to him… and he won't be able to hurt me any more whether I'm open or closed to him… he's already in my heart… I already…

He pressed me back against the filing cabinet, his hands on my hips, and then his arms slide around me, holding me close, his face pressed into my hair. He knows, of course he knows, he always did know me better than I know myself. "Squall," he whispers softly, and nothing else, just holding me.


	6. Dad

Oh, my heart, this thing is nearly finished! Only thanks to my darling friends, my sisters, Lisa and Spam though. :P

Anyway, I hope everyone is enjoying this fic, even if they don't comment. Enjoy this chapter, too. :)

* * *

Laguna is surprised to see me _and_ Seifer, but I don't mind that. He's probably surprised to see me at all. Last time we talked, I hardly said anything, and he didn't call me again. I called him a few days ago, asked him if he wanted to go out again. Of course, Laguna being Laguna – that meaning he's a fool and entirely too sentimental about this family tie - he did. I could tell that he'd been blaming himself for pushing me or something, and he sounded extremely glad that I'd called him again at all.

"Seifer Almasy, right?" he asks the blond at my side, with perhaps a hint of disappointment that this isn't just a 'father and son' thing. Seifer smirks and nods, as if glad that someone still recognises him. But of course, he – and I – sticks in people's minds. For one thing, there are the scars on our faces that we gave each other… not many people have a scar like that. Just two.

"That's right."

He offers his hand to shake, grinning, apparently forgiving Seifer for whatever and ready to accept him if I can tolerate him. The man… my father is too trusting, but I suppose he trusts to his own skills and my strength to keep him safe when he's out with me.

And I do carry Lionheart everywhere, of course.

"So, why did you decide to come and see me?" he turns to me, very curious, with the added, but unspoken, question of why did I bring Seifer too. It'd be too easy if I just told him, and besides, _willing_ to tell him more about myself or not, it'll be a struggle for him to get things out of me too easily.

Old habits die hard. It isn't so much of a problem with Seifer, who has always been able to make me tell him things.

"You're my father," I say, shrugging, as if that answers it. I glance sideways at Seifer before I add, "Thought I owed it to you somehow."

He looks at me with something in his eyes, hope, maybe. Seifer just snorts softly, perhaps amused that I used his way of putting it. "Well," my father says, "what shall we do?"

It's later, sitting in a restaurant that is probably far too expensive, but apparently easily afforded by the likes of the President of Esthar and his son, the Commander of Balamb Garden, that we actually talk.

"So, Squall, why is Seifer here with us?" Laguna asks, smiling quite amicably. I thought he would've got the point by now – Seifer can be damned possessive, and I'm sure he hasn't managed to completely keep his hands off me, despite me asking him to until I could figure out what my father thinks of this.

Of course, I've no experience with reading people and truthfully, I can't tell whether Laguna would freak out over this or not, despite trying to figure it out all day.

Time to take a leap of faith.

"I wanted you to meet him."

He gives me a puzzled look. "I've met Seifer before. Not under the best of circumstances, but I've met him…"

Seifer just settles back in his seat, obviously enjoying the food and watching me and my father. He smirks a little at me, but his eyes are encouraging too. Encouraging me to open up just that much, show my father just a little more of me.

I sigh. Look down at the table. Force the reluctant words out.

"Seifer is my… my lover, dad." Two victories in one sentence, and Seifer looks at me with approval. Maybe that will satisfy him, and my father, that I'm opening up enough for now.

Laguna just blinks at me, perhaps speechless at my bluntness. Or maybe disbelieving, but Seifer doesn't give him too much time to disbelieve, wrapping an arm around my waist and pressing his lips to my temple. "Damn right I am, Princess," he says softly, for my father to hear, but also a confirmation to me.

Despite my reluctance to open up to him, Seifer has yet to hurt me. Although if he doesn't stop calling me Princess in front of my father at least, he's sleeping on the couch, figuratively speaking.

"Well… that's…" Laguna blinks owlishly, my attention back on him.

"It's good," Seifer says, firmly. I raise my eyebrow at him, and he just gives me a look that screams protection and possession, but removes his arm. I knew he wouldn't really hurt me, but his actively not allowing me to get hurt is something new. Something not entirely welcome, either.

Laguna nods, suddenly lighting up, "Yes, it is, it's very good." And he lunges round the table to catch me in a tight hug, squeezing the breath out of me. I've only been a victim of his hugs three times or so, and I really don't care for them. But this time, I hug him back just briefly before pushing him away.

"Thank you."

"Yes, er, congratulations on getting together!" He turns to Seifer, a goofy grin on his face, "Congratulations to you, too, for getting my son to open up."

Seifer just smiles lazily, his arm snaking round my waist again. "It's about time, I've been working on it for years." He reaches out with his free hand to pull my bangs gently, "Haven't I, Princess?"

"Call me Princess again and you'll regret it," the threat slips out, light and mocking, and I start in surprise at myself. Relaxed enough to joke around like this? Surely not.

Laguna laughs, and so does Seifer, and suddenly it doesn't matter. Why shouldn't I relax?

It's later again when Seifer and I are alone. Seifer wraps his arms around me, catching me and holding me still, kissing me gently. "You did well with your dad today, you know."

"Thank you, but you call me Princess in front of my dad again and I'll chop your balls off."

"Duly noted," he says, chuckling softly. I don't think he quite believes me, but I'll let it rest for now. "You enjoyed that, didn't you?"

"I suppose I did."

He smiles and hugs me closer, then shivers. "It's fucking cold out here, let's get back to Garden."


	7. Friends

Thanks very much to the few people who _have _reviewed this, I appreciate it very much. This is the last chapter, you may be pleased to note, and though I don't like it much (it smacks too much of the 'easy finish') this is what I have been intending to write, seven chapters of opening up.

I dedicate this fic to my sisters, Lisa and Spam, er, I mean Sam, for getting me unstuck and for being general fun.

Tomorrow, or, noticing the time, later today, I'll start work on my new FF8 fic. It's going to be 30,000 words long, and Seifer/Squall, so if you want a long read (and hopefully finished within the month, anyway), well, look out for me. The idea is tentatively titled 'Jumping to Conclusions', but that may or may not stick.

Anyway, sorry for the long author's notes! I'll stop boring you all now, and just tell you to enjoy. :)

* * *

Zell was quite surprised when I came and sat next to him, without any coaxing or suggestion from him or any of the others. Actually, they _all_ looked at me in some surprise.

"Hey, Squall," Selphie said, perhaps a little cautiously. "I thought you preferred sitting on your own?"

I shrugged. There's no point in going into the fact that I'm actually trying to open up to them a little. Trying is trying, not necessarily doing, and to be honest, while I do want to know more about them and have them know more about me, opening up to people who don't understand me in the way Seifer does is still daunting.

Speak of the devil.

"Budge up, Princess," he says, nudging me with his knee, and I move up, giving him a glare for the hated nickname.

"Princess?" someone wonders, Zell, I think, and I turn up the wattage of my glare. I've said this before, but damn him. He never knows when to shut up.

He just grins, of course, never daunted one bit. "You forgot this." He adds the glass of juice to my tray, giving me a more honest smile, and sliding his own tray onto the table next to mine, sliding into the seat with a soft 'oof' sound. "These fucking chairs are too flimsy, I swear."

"Maybe you're getting fat."

He gives me a look. "Right, you're asking for it now, _Princess_."

Quistis arches an eyebrow, giving us both a rather searching look, "Since when were you two best friends?"

Seifer leans back in his chair with an entirely too satisfied look on his face. "Who says we're best friends?"

Irvine smiles, lazy, and waves a hand at Quistis, "You know better than to ask, Quisty, Squall won't ever tell us and Seifer is, well, himself."

That hurt, Irvine. I know I'm closed off, but…

Well, I guess I would hide things from them. Would hide this from them, if Seifer wasn't currently sticking a finger into my side in encouragement to open my mouth and speak my mind.

"Actually, if it's that important to know…" I trail off, trying to find the words, grasping at straws.

Selphie makes it easier, "You're not fighting anymore, are you?"

"No… we're… together," and the rush of heat to my cheeks tells me that I'm blushing. Damnable reflex, why were humans ever born with it?

Seifer chuckles, but I elbow him before a comment about how Princess-like I am can come out. Honestly, I hate this man sometimes. Well, I would, if I didn't… you know.

"Awww!" Selphie grins, reaching over to ruffle my hair, "You told us!"

I _told_ them? That's more important than the fact that we're actually together?

I really don't understand this group of people, my… my friends, I guess, more than team members or whatever, and certainly not just people I order around. I'm a part of this group, but I don't understand why I am, or why they actually want me to be a part.

Maybe it is time I took _that_ chance, too.

It really is Seifer's fault that I'm thinking like this.

"Why shouldn't I tell you?" I raise an eyebrow at her.

"You never tell us anything!" Zell says, crossing his arms.

I shrug, trying to tell myself that I can change that. I know I can, but the way they react sometimes… it scares me. I need to be out of reach, invulnerable… untouchable…

Seifer pokes my arm. "Drink your damn juice, already, and let's go."

He has an uncanny way of knowing when I'm second guessing myself.

Quistis smiles at me, her cool humour easier for me to deal with than Selphie's exuberance or Zell's energy. "Don't get lost in a supply closet on your way to the office, Squall."

"I'll try not to," I say dryly.

Seifer gives her a pathetic look, "Oh, Quisty, how could you? I was looking forward to making him late for work."

I refuse to contemplate the slow wink that Irvine sends Seifer.

It's better than I thought to know that these people will stand by me. I don't need to let them all the way in, but I do want to know them. I'm not sure I want to know what they all think of me, and I still feel vulnerable, now that I've opened up just a little.

But like recovering from an operation that cut a person open, it's little by little, step by step. Them knowing about my relationship with Seifer today, joking and laughing and teasing a little, and maybe tomorrow I'll actually talk to one of them about it, not laughing.

I don't know. I feel damned uncomfortable about some of this, and it's all Seifer's fault. He's always been good at unshelling me, opening me up, and leaving me vulnerable to anything and everything that wants to get in.

This time, I don't mind so much. I think that if I don't open up, it'd be worse. Maybe it will be good to have friends I can talk to instead of myself. People I can go to, as well as people who can hurt me.

Before, I was on a pedestal, simply because I held myself apart from them. Now I've made myself a part. Maybe that's less vulnerable than the way I was, protected by them now instead of by my own shell.

Vulnerable, a little more open, and no longer untouchable.

Seifer squeezes my hand gently.


End file.
